


You Are Pretty Special

by Merlocked18



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Art, Coming Out, Drabble, Ealdor, Forests, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Small Towns, Teen Angst, WinterKnights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21512698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlocked18/pseuds/Merlocked18
Summary: Merlin and Arthur are classmates and looking forward to their Christmas holidays. It's their final year at school before they part ways to go to separate colleges, and it's something Merlin dreads more than anything. He has never told his best friend Arthur of his feelings, and time is running out fast. It doesn't help that Arthur will probably not be staying in Ealdor for the holidays.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 134
Collections: WinterKnights 2019 - a Merlin Winter/Holiday Fest





	You Are Pretty Special

**Author's Note:**

> I love the trope of friends to boyfriends - and this is me indulging in that. Also, I love the WinterKnights fest and wanted to create something for it. Thank you dear fest mods, yet again, for making this fest happen. It's my favourite.

It's in English class one gloomy afternoon it almost all comes out. Valiant, the class A bully with a special hatred for the more vulnerable and weak, the pussies of the world, as he calls them, catches a glimpse of a picture on Merlin's mobile - Two men in matching bobble hats, kissing.

"What are you looking at, Emrys?!" Valiant barks out and lunges for Merlin's phone. Luckily, Arthur is much quicker and blocks Valiant. 

"Why do you have pics of two guys kissing, Emrys? You a poofter?"

"I'll smack you, if you don't shut up this instant," Arthur warns Valiant. Merlin wants to sink into the floorboards.   
  
Valiant is a dick, but the odd look Arthur throws him is even worse, so Merlin grasps for some logical explanation that isn't the truth and says it's his social studies project, sexual minorities and the way they are represented in the media. Merlin has the knack for fabricating, he is the best at creative writing, after all.

***

Merlin and Arthur are discussing their winter holidays. Gwen and Lance will apparently go to Scotland with their parents, staying in Edinburgh for four days, which sounds like a dream to Merlin, who has always wanted to visit the café where J.K. wrote her Harry. He knows he will never be able to afford a trip to Scotland, resigning to his fate of being the only one left in Ealdor. With Arthur going to the Swiss Alps with his dad, as usual, and Gwaine and Percival going to France to Percy's cousins, Merlin is going to stay in Ealdor with his mum and Gaius. He will probably go through all the shows on Netflix and all the online comics and mope around the house much to his mum's detriment.   
"Isn't it boring to go to the same resort every year?" Merlin tries.  
"Yeah, it is a little."  
"Why can't you stay here instead? We could hang out."  
"Stay here in Ealdor?"  
"Yeah?"  
"And hang out with you?"  
"Yeah?"  
Arthur chuckles a little shaking his head.  
"Nevermind," Merlin says and flicks his TV on, flopping down on his bed, defeated and absolutely certain that his life has no meaning if hanging out with him is such a chore for his best friend.  
Arthur wants them to watch Netflix on Merlin's TV and before Merlin can think of more excuses, Arthur sees that Merlin has been watching gay themed programmes as they fall under the Watch again category.   
"You are really getting into this social studies project, huh?" Arthur asks, flicking through Call Me By Your Name and In God's Country films among other programmes Merlin has completed watching.  
"You are writing about homelessness, aren't you?" Merlin counters, grabbing the remote from Arthur and quickly scrolling down to a movie called Parked. "This one is really good."  
"Nah, not right now, can't we watch something funny instead?  
"Whatever," Merlin says quietly and gives back the remote control to Arthur.

***

After they have watched a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Arthur announces that he has to head home to pack for his holidays and Merlin barely says goodbye, trying to postpone his little mental breakdown until Arthur has left.

Arthur's "You're okay?" prompts some kind of response and Merlin wishes him a good holiday and to bring him some Swiss souvenirs, although he already has quite a few of those stored under his bed. The minute he hears Arthur close the front door he is pulling on his jumper and warm trousers. He needs air. He needs to go for a walk in the forest to clear his head. He needs to get a grip!

He strikes the path through the fields and reaches the forest in ten minutes. He always feels better there. The trees don't judge him. The cold, crisp air helps him. He walks on, there is a beautiful clearing in the middle of the forest. It's almost as if it's calling to him. _Merlin. Merlin!_

"Merlin!"

It sounds almost real, Merlin muses. Someone calling his name, as if he was somehow wanted.

"Wait up!"

Merlin recognises that voice, however. It's nothing mystical. It belongs to the bane of his existence - the boy he loves and can never tell.

  
"What are you doing here, Arthur?"

"I've been thinking," Arthur says, out of breath.

  
"Thinking? Yikes, we don't want you to hurt yourself," Merlin says without emotion, looking up into the air, hoping to find some bird or other to focus on instead. He really needs to focus on something. He can sense Arthur's scrutiny. It's burning a hole in the side of his face.

"There is something going on with you, Merlin, and I would like you to tell me what it is, please."

Merlin swears in his head he will never tell Arthur any of it. He continues staring into the greying sky. Maybe Arthur will just leave him alone if he ignores him long enough.

"I haven't seen you smile in the past...I can't remember when I last saw you smile." 

"I don't think there is much to smile about," Merlin blurts, his deceitful tongue voicing things it has no business voicing, and Merlin fears it will all come out.

Arthur grasps the front of Merlin's blue parka.

"Look at me," he insists. Merlin wants to cry.

"I asked Mr Pettigrew about our social studies projects and what literature we could use as source material. Linda and Martin are doing sexual minorities. Apparently." Arthur says that last word almost bitterly, and Merlin has no choice but to look at him. He knew his lie would come out and bite him in the arse.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Arthur continues, in a much softer tone. 

Merlin really wants to cry. He hadn't planned on telling Arthur. Ever.

"It's nothing, Arthur," he whispers on a sob.

"It's not nothing, Merlin. I'm not blind. You are unhappy, and it feels like it somehow my fault?"

Merlin shakes his head.

"This has nothing to do with you," Merlin lies and wipes his nose with the back of his gloved hand, steeling himself.

"I don't know how to ask this..." Arthur begins.

"Then don't!" Merlin barks out.

"You are angry with me, and I want to know why, okay?" Arthur clutches at Merlin's parka still, pulling him closer.

"Please, Merlin, you are my best friend, you can tell me anything. I won't tell a soul." Arthur pulls him into a hug. "I won't tell a soul, okay, " Arthur murmurs, muffled by the hood of Merlin's parka.

"You'll hate me, you'll all hate me, " Merlin whispers, putting his arms around Arthur and clutching at him desperately.

"I could never hate you, Merlin, you have to know that. You'll feel better if you tell me."

"You sound like a psychiatrist."

They both chuckle.

"Please, Merlin."

It's like standing on a precipice, about to take a plunge into the unknown and the uncertain. A bit of bad luck and you will end up with your head smashed onto the craggy rocks below. There is no turning back either, once you have leapt. However, continuing like this isn't an option either. If there is fallout, at least Arthur won't be around for a couple of weeks and Merlin will have time to heal enough to be able to endure the last remaining months of school before they part ways forever.

He has to tell Arthur. He needs to.

"I love you, Arthur. I have loved you since first grade. Your stupid smile. Your stupid eyes. Your hands. Your stupid kindness and bravery, and how funny you are, how much of a dork. I hate the idea of never seeing you again once we start college. You will forget me. I will never hear from you again. You will get new friends, get a new best friend. You will forget all about that little nerd in Ealdor who followed you around until you were forced to be friends with him, you will meet someone, fall in love..." Merlin's breath hitches and he can't continue.

"Oh, Merlin..." Arthur sighs and pulls him into a tighter hug.

"Sad, aren't I?" Merlin manages between sobs.

"Well, that makes two of us then," Arthur says pulling away to gauge Merlin's reaction.

"What do you mean?"

"I am sad, too. I don't want us to lose touch either. I don't want us to see each other fleetingly on Facebook and never in person. I don't want to be forgotten. I have never told you this, but you are pretty special. I don't want anyone else to..." Arthur's eyes drop to Merlin's mouth. Merlin can't breathe.

"...have what is mine." Arthur presses forward and rubs his cheek up against Merlin's.

"Newsflash. I love you, too, Merlin," Arthur whispers and claims Merlin's lips in a desperate kiss.

They stand for a long while in the forest clearing, barely noticing that snow begins to fall. They kiss and nuzzle at each other's faces, necks, hands, lost in each other finally. When the cold seeping into their boots registers with them finally, they walk back over the fields, hand in hand into their village - toward what will now most certainly become their life together. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERLIN FANDOM. I LOVE YOU!

Hugs,

Anon

bonus pics:


End file.
